We’re all just one ‘hello’ away from introducing ourselves to our soul mate. That’s the last thing a friend said to me before she found out we are all just one terrible piece of advice away from ruining a friendship. People in successful long term committed relationships give the worst (unsolicited) advice to single people.
“You’ll meet someone, soon.”
“Love finds you when you stop looking for it.”
“Have you tried online dating? Joe and Rick met that way and they’ve been together for seven years!”
“There’s somebody for everyone out there.”
“My friend Monica’s single, you should meet her!”
No. Shut up. Nope. Seriously!? No!
I never thought I’d be thirty and single. In fact, at nineteen I thought it was such a ridiculous scenario to be thirty and single that I made a pact with my friend and favorite ex, Mack. We vowed that if we were both single when we were thirty we would marry each other. At the time, we thought we were each others’ very unnecessary safety plan. In the event we found ourselves in the unlikely (that would turn out to be very likely) and unsavory situation of being single at thirty we would save one another from the end of times by getting hitched. First off, can someone invent a time machine, so that I can go back in time and punch 19-year old me in the throat. What a little shit I was, giving myself a deadline of thirty. Like, I’d be such a sad and desperate sack of useless skin and bones, if I ended up single in my third decade that I’d need a safety plan. Since both turning thirty, Mack and I have decided to give ourselves a ten-year extension to our short sighted deadline.
In the eleven years since we made that pact a lot has transpired. I came out as trans and transitioned. I got more awkward instead of growing out of my awkwardness. Less people are getting married and when they do get married they’re doing it later than ever before. Marriage Equality exists in the US now, same sex couples can finally make their love legal–BOOM! Tinder was invented. Online dating became relatively normal—according to a Pew Research study, 59% of people think online dating is a good way to meet someone. We elected the first African American President (President Barack Obama), for two terms, and the next president might very well be a woman, Hillary Clinton! (oh and racist, misogynist hotel mogul, Donald Trump is the Republican candidate, which is way scarier than being single at 30) I’m not actually sure what the last couple facts about politics have to do with this book, but my nerdy political side got excited for a minute. (Maybe I’m single because I break dating rules and talk about politics within the first few paragraphs.)
Dating in the 21st century is challenging and not for the faint of heart. Because of the addition of technology people are both more and less accessible at the same time. If you don’t like someone anymore or you change your mind, you no longer have to call them on a land line and leave a voice message or have a face to face convo. Instead you can just ignore their calls and texts and ‘ghost’ them. Ghosting is the act of disappearing from someone without explanation and just leaving them haunted by your inexplicable and sudden absence. It’s rude and cowardly and I have unintentionally done it once or twice myself. (Sorry Talia* and Sasha*) Online dating makes it easier to know if you’re compatible with someone before meeting them in person, but it also isn’t guaranteed to really be that person on the other side of the screen. I cannot tell you how many bots have wanted to date me/sell me something. (single robots deserve love too, I guess.) Maybe it’s just me, but dating is a disaster.
I’m not a dating expert, in fact I’m pretty bad at it. So, it’s a good thing this isn’t an advice blog. My lawyers (ha–I can’t afford lawyers) if I had lawyers would tell me I had to say that so you don’t sue me for taking anything you might perceive as advice and having it fail miserably. If this isn’t a dating advice blog, then what the heck is it? Well, it’s commentary on my experiences in life. I’ve been single going on five years and have never had a relationship last longer than a year. Most days I’d rather go to the dentist for a root canal than actually go on a date. I tend to pick women based on whether they have a picture of their dog on their dating profile. I have a tendency of saying whatever thought enters my head because, I’m fairly certain my filter hasn’t installed the latest version of adobe flash player. I’m not a pessimist, it’s just that if my glass isn’t full of wine, I don’t even care if it’s half empty or half full. My knack for being horrible at dating hasn’t stopped me from continuing to try. Follow me along for sometimes cringe-worthy, sometimes hilarious experiences of a modern transman navigating the modern dating world. And if I accidentally slip in a tip or two, I bet my advice is better than your married friend who wants to set you up with their other single friend just because you two are literally the last single people they know.
This blog will feature previews of chapters in a book I’m attempting to write and some related posts. Everything I write is true except I will change the names of the majority of my exes and the women I date throughout this blog. Not for their protection, just to annoy them.
“Is he writing about me?”
“I don’t know Courtney. Is your name Valerie?”
Other than the names of other people, the events are real. When hearing about my life mishaps, friends have often said “Man, you can’t write this.” Well now I am. Proved them, didn’t I?
*Not really their names. I couldn’t get their permission, because I ghosted them. I’m still really sorry, though!
Want to read more? Buying A House is Like Dating