I was at an open mic poetry night with a couple of friends, when my friend’s sister braved the mic. I was captivated by her and her poetry. So much so that I can’t even recall how I charmed her into going on a date with me, but I did. The evidence of this fact is that we ended up going on a date the next night. (Most likely there was a lot of stuttering, shifty eye glances, self-deprecating one liners, and awkwardly phrased compliments.)
We went to a day long music festival that took place in a large parking lot. The music festival had over-estimated just how popular it would be, which resulted in a lot of empty concrete and over eager food vendors. Since I hate crowds, a lowly attended music festival is totally my jam. It also made the date easier to navigate.
- I didn’t have to worry about losing her or her losing me in the swarm of people that weren’t there.
- We could find a grassy knoll to sit and talk.
- There was no line for food or beer.
And the date itself was really great. We had tons to talk about and conversation was easy. We danced and laughed and joked about our private music festival. #lifestylesoftherichandfamous At one point during the date, we locked eyes and everything around us froze; the music muted, the dozen or so other people there all stopped moving, and even the trees stood still. I leaned in. She leaned in. Our lips collided, gently. When we pulled back, everything unfroze. We both smiled. We stayed for another set and decided to call it a night.
When I dropped her off at her house she said “I’d love to see you again, soon.” And I smiled “umm, yes! Me too. I mean I want to see you again—I see myself all the time.” She laughed and shook her head. “Goodnight, Jay” There was something about the way she said my name that made me blush, instantly. “Goodnight, Brittany.” I drove home in what felt like a plane—because I felt like I was flying.
The next morning I awoke to discover a long Facebook message from a guy I did not know.
Good Morning Jay,
We’ve been waking up early around here, lately. (Who is we? Who are you? How early is early?) I figured I should reach out to welcome you and invite any requests you had for clarity regarding my intents for our relationship and dating additional people. (Wait, what? Additional people? Our relationship? Whose? You and Brittany? Me and Brittany? You and Me? Huh?)
Because my experience at various poly-configurations taught that compartmentalization breeds confusion and gaffes, I wanted to directly let you know that I give my whole-hearted support to the prospect of Brittany enjoying herself with a person who chooses to complement her long-term well-being and Values. (OHHHH! Poly. Umm, yeah, not for me. Also why is values capitalized? And long-term? Slow down, buddy. We had one date.)
If that resembles the Presence you would like in my Love’s Life, welcome! She’s great and worthy only of Love. And I would like to be empathetic of your well-being and Values, too. Feel free to let me know what they are, or any health concerns that you would like to see addressed. (Okay dude-that-i-never-met-or-even-heard-about, what are you talking about?)
Enjoy the rest of your weekend, I look forward to us meeting soon. (That won’t be happening. Us meeting.)
I reread that message three more times, expecting my brain to wake up and have a message that actually made sense be on the screen in front of my face. Note: I believe in and support poly relationships, if that is what works for you. I, personally, am only interested in monogamy for myself. I also am a big supporter of clear communication for either poly or monogamous relationships. For starters, letting a date KNOW that you are in a relationship that is looking for a third person.
I dealt with this the most mature way I knew how—I blocked this guy and pretended it didn’t happen. THEN, he created a new Facebook account and messaged me from it a few hours later! So I blocked that account too. I reached out to Brittany and asked what all of this meant. As it turns out, her life was quite complicated at this particular moment.
We did not continue seeing each other. I never replied to the messages from the stranger. I still scratch my head about this situation from time to time.
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