In the Name of Love…

Love can make you do stupid things. There is research behind this, which I can only conclude was conducted because some scientist was in love and stupidly decided to do research about it. Love has made us all do stupid things. And if you are saying it hasn’t made you do stupid things, then you are lying to me and to yourself. For shame.

I have done many, many (oh god, so many) dumb things in the name of love…or strong like. Below are a sampling of just some of those short-sighted acts.

Ran a Spartan Beast Race

img_0680This could probably (and might be someday) its own post. A woman I have been in love with since I was 17, casually suggested I “run a fun obstacle course race” with her. I had recently started working out a lot and thought this was a perfect way to show off just how fit I was. I signed up and then realized I had made a terrible mistake when the confirmation email said things like “13+ miles” and “over 30 obstacles.” The closest equivalent I had done was a 5k mud run. I had never run more than 5 miles at any given time. This was a disaster. But I couldn’t back out now (actually I could have—but love makes you stupid, so I didn’t) I was committed. In the name of love I ran what turned out to be close to 15 miles up a damn mountain, attempted 30 obstacles (failing only three) and crossed a fiery finish line in six and a half hours.

Impulsively drove to Mississippi

An ex who I still liked for inexplicable reasons randomly reached out and asked me to be her wedding date…at a wedding in Mississippi that weekend. Flights were ridiculously expensive, so I drove. The drive is 11 hours, one way. In the end I spent 14 hours with the ex I had rushed down to see, 1 hour alone in the back of a southern Baptist church witnessing two strangers get married, and 22 hours in my car. On the plus side, I did listen to Harry Potter on audiobook again, which was delightful.

Sang Karaoke

I cannot sing. As in I cannot carry a tune even if I’m holding a bucket. I’m pretty sure people would pay me not to do karaoke. The only karaoke I take part in is when I’m driving by myself, I call this CARaoke. But apparently when I have a couple drinks and am trying to “impress” a crush, I think I’m Justin-fuckin-Timberlake. She was not impressed with my rendition of “It’s Gonna Be Me” nor was anyone else in the bar. I think I will stick to lip syncing from now on.

Went vegetarian…for five years

And then I met a different love, her name is bacon. It’s serious.

Got matching tattoos

This is the big NO in dating and relationships. Do not get matching tattoos. No matter how much you love each other, no matter how convinced you are that your love is forever, no matter what. Do not get matching tattoos. No love is as permanent as a tattoo. A woman I was dating who is now an ex (key word, ex) and I were madly in love (or so we thought at the time) and what better way to express said love than getting tattoos together? (spoiler alert: so many better ways) This ex and I had a game we played where we tried to one-up the other. (healthy, right?) I jokingly suggested we go get tattoos. She suggested they be matching. I agreed and headed to the car. She followed and got out of the car when we arrived at the tattoo place. I approached the counter and said we wanted tattoos. She chose the font. I chose the location, the left wrist. She went first. Shit, now I had to go. That escalated quickly. In about one hour we went from joking about getting matching tattoos to having matching tattoos. Our relationship lasted another 3-4 weeks. I still have the tattoo.

What stupid thing have you done in the name of love?


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3 thoughts on “In the Name of Love…

  1. Fell into a 7-month & counting depression once that fucker left me. Wow, that is the best version of the “&” symbol I’ve ever seen.

    Also, I plan to tattoo a ring on my finger, when getting married. No offense.

    Like

  2. Damn, now I want to see the tattoo! I just discovered your blog after the article at the “Feminist Midwife” site. I love your writing style — conversational and hilarious. I had a series of disasterous/hilarious dates after my divorce that I started blogging about (talesfromthequeerside.wordpress.com). I gave up on the site prematurely because, well, it’s work! Good for you, keep it up. I can wait to peruse the rest of your adventures. Also, I LOVE the adult onesie photos. You are a super-nerd. And that, my friend, is high praise coming from a fellow Star Wars aficionado.

    Like

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